Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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