You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
