We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
