i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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