this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
