it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
