how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
