i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
