this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
