I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
