Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Moan for me like Helen Keller
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
