I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
