At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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