Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
