I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
