Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
