I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
