yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
