Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
