dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
