I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
