I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
