do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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