im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
