I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
