Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
