Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
