I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
