Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
