I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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