he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
