i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
