My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
