So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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