i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
