Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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