You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
