Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
