I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
