when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
