Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
