hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
