its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
