I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
