I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this is an emotional support booty call
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
