after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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