That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
