Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
