Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
