So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
