pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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