Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
