I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
