White coat. Heels.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
