I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
