just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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