so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
