I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
