I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got inside last night via doggy door
pray to the hookup gods
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