my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
