No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
