so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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