there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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