So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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