I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
