Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
