New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
