12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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