That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
