I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
