He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
