he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize