I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
