I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
false alarm, still single
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize